list of regrets 

To add this to the list of mistakes I’ve made, I decided to text him last night. I regret it so much. I honestly don’t even know how to explain the conversation but it was useless. I think I was a bit confused too. Last night I was such a wreck and I guess I just needed some reassurance from him in some way that we were going to be okay. I did not get that, I actually felt worse, even a little rejected. He confuses me so crazy much I don’t get him sometimes which is also weird because I understand him so well too. I just want to know that it’s still me. But at the same time just like every other time we’ve texted I’m once again reminded of all the things hat were wrong. But at the same moment I miss all those things and how much of a disaster he was. I miss taking care of him. But I do not miss putting up with the rest of shit like this. Last night all I wanted to do was get him to beg me to take him back. And in that moment of weakness I would have done it. But I think I was in such shock and so overwhelmed but the day and that other guy that I was vulnerable bc now I again know that we need this break up or break or whatever it is. 

Update: he texted me back and I love him and maybe this break is stupid……..

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