friday night

It’s Friday night and I’m thinking about you going out. For some reason this never crossed my mind and now I’m sad and terrified. I keep thinking about you at a party and drinking and what not (I don’t even wanna begin to think about what not) and just no. I don’t want you to do those things. Stop. This of course means that I’m not over you. I suppose it’s better to wonder about whether or not you’re going out than to know for sure like I used to. But you were nailed down then and you aren’t now. I can only just hope that you still love me enough to want to be with just me. To be repulsed by other girls. I hope that no one catches your eye…and that the whole night you’re left thinking of me. 
I’m still so confused by all of my emotions. One moment I’m over you and want you out of my life for good. And the next I’m lying in bed crying thinking about you with someone else. I just want you to still be hopelessly in love with me. But if I’m not around to remind you, how will you remember? Do you still love every piece of me? Am I still the best thing that’s ever happened? Will you still find me beautiful throughout all of this? For some reason I can seem to let go of you, but I can’t seem to let got of you letting go of me. And I want you to stop me. Stop me from letting go. Fight for me. But I know you, and you won’t do that. 

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